Why is everything suddenly bad?
by Bambigewitter
Summary: I have immensly enjoyed reading your Diane Lockhart and Kurt McVeigh fanfics. Since the Good Wife finale left me speechless and somewhat frustrated, I decided to write my own fan fiction to deal with the cliffhanger and the possible absence of the character of Kurt McVeigh from the spin-off ...
1. Chapter 1

Kurt had been humiliated in court and it was Diane's fault. She flirtaciously asked him to do sonething that was totally against his ethics, overselling evidence, and he did it out of love for her.

She brought Kurt McVeigh as expert witness – the defense brought Holly "more gravitas" Westfall. How she disliked that nasty blonde Republican.

In court Holly stated that Kurt was the most honest man she knew – a quality Diane admired greatly in her husband – but that he had reason to oversell evidence because of Diane. And damn she was right. As much as Diane hated to admit it, Holly was right and Diane got caught in court.

During Holly's testimony she could feel Kurt's hurt. He always took pride in being honest and correct in his work. Doing her a favor damaged everything: his pride, his work and potentionally their marriage.

A few weeks ago, she thought he wanted a divorce only to learn that he wanted to sell his business and move in full-time. Put their lives first, as he once told her. She was happy to learn that he made their marriage and her happiness once again his number one priority. And how did she return the favor? She asked him to compromise himself.

The 40 mile drive to Kurt's farm never seemed longer – not even a few years ago when she just wanted to have sex with him and ended up meeting Miranda. What was it with young attractive women and ballistics? Or was it young attractive women and Kurt McVeigh?

She had gone to her place first, but Kurt wasn't there. Why would he be? She hurt him, uninteionally though, but she hurt him. And it was killing her. She parked her car and went inside. The house was quiet. She went upstairs to the bedroom. Her favorite place in both their homes.

Kurt was already asleep, or at the very least pretended to be asleep. On his side of the bed, at the very edge. Even if she was already in bed with him, the distance and silent treatment could not have been more apparant.

Diane crawled up behind her husband and called his name. He didn't react. „Kurt, I am sorry, I am so sorry. I will make you happy every day of your live but please forgive me." She brushed a kiss against his shoulder and sank her nose into the back of his neck. She loved his smell. It meant so many things to her: comfort, home and passion. Her left hand brushed against his chest. She felt his back muscles cramp and knew he was awake. When Kurt finally took her hand and kissed it, Diane couldn't hold it back together.

She was not a crier or a beggar. But she had messed up big time. Hurting, sabotaging and eventually losing Kurt was everything she feared in live. It took them years to finally end up together. They spent most of their married life apart but everything was about to change. Or was it?

Diane sobbed heavily. Kurt turned and let her put her head on his chest. He didn't speak but he held her left hand and stroke her head gently with the other. They lay like that for quite some time. Words failed Diane but she slowly stopped sobbing. Kurt wasn't going to make it easy for her but he loved Diane and hated nothing more than seeing her upset.

Actually, he had never seen her like that before. Diane coming back to her senses and slightly embarrassed by her outburst, placed a soft kiss on her husbands temple and got up. „I am going to take a shower to wash this horrible day off." Kurt watched her silently as she entered the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Diane felt slightly better. The hot water was rushing down her body and easing her nervous tension. She didn't know how long she has been in there and wasn't planning on leaving any time soon. Not that she was afraid to go back in the bedroom but somehow she felt safer in here. She wanted to touch and feel Kurt but given the circumstances she wasn't sure he would want her right now. And she felt too fragile to deal with rejection tonight.

As if he had read her mind, Kurt suddenly appeared behind Diane. He didn't speak. But caressed her back – first with his hands, then with the help of a sponge and lots of balmy shower oil. She just loved how he used is hands. He was an expert when it came to touching her – never to little, never too much. It always felt just right and made her craving for more. A soft moan escaped her mouth.

She placed her hands on the cold tiles and just enjoyed his massage. His hands and the sponge went from her back to her front and after putting the sponge aside he cupped her breasts. „Hon, there's nothing to forgive. We both made a wrong judgement call. You shouldn't have asked and I shouldn't have agreed to give my preliminary opinion." Diane was shocked and amazed. This man managed to surprise her even after als those years. A friend of her once told her „Nobody is that good – not you, not me, nobody." Maybe that friend was wrong, because Kurt seemed to be that good and even better. „I love you, Kurt. I know I don't say it often enough, but I love you."

Diane couldn't hold back any longer. She flung around and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him as if her life depended on it. And, in a way, it did. She loved this man and needed him close – emotionally, spatially and physically. Their kisses have never been that intense before. Even during their on-and-off-times when none oft hem knew for sure when and if they would land in each other's arms again had they never clinged so heavily on each other. But today more seemed to be at stake.

The hot water started to run out, so they left the shower, grabbed towels and made their way to the bedroom. No words were needed when they toweled the other one down. They fell onto the bed and continued where the cold water stopped them. In a way, Diane had managed to wash this terrible day off but a little sting stayed. But she wasn't going to let it ruin her bedtime activity with her sexy cowboy.

She climbed on top of him and kissed him passionately, biting his lower lip and eventually parting his lips to let their tongues melt. Slowly her hands started making their way down his chest, slighty scratching it and circling his nipples with her nails. She knew he liked that a lot. His hands were caressing her back. Diane kissed his neck, the soft spots behind his ears and slowly went lower. Kurt grabbed her butt and flung her around claiming the top position.

„Why won't you let me be good to you, hon?"„But you are, dear. I just really need to taste you right now!" And with that Kurt made his direct way to her pussy and did once again an expert job.


	3. Chapter 3

Diane was back in court. Facing Kurt on the stand. Why did she accept Peter Florrick's defense anyway? She disliked that man. He screwed her over in the past and cheated her out of the judgeship. She almost lost her best friend and her firm because of that man's arrogance and illoyality. Was it a question of power? Did it fit into her motto „with grace and a hint of anger"? She couldn't say. But she was in too deep now. Not only professionally but also in terms of her love life. Yes, she would have never met the love of her life if it wasn't for their respective jobs (or actually dear Will who wanted her to meet with Kurt in the first place) but other than that, things always got very complicated when their work lives overlapped.

That fight with Alica and Lucca earlier was unbecoming. Only a few hours ago, Alicia wasn't even sure she cared about her estranged husband and his fate anymore. But all of a sudden she wanted to fight for him as if her life depended on it – by throwing Kurt under the bus. Kurt of all people! Yes, in the past, even Diane had put work over Kurt, even when they were already romantically involved. But not this time! Too much damage had been caused already. Diane would rather have the govenour Florrick fire her than witness her husband being once again humiliated in public.

„Any questions, Ms. Lockhart?" Judge Cuesta asked. „No, your honor." And that should be it, right? But Diane underestimated Alica again. Up popped Lucca Quinn, her employee, and started questioning her husband. Diane had trouble breathing and focussing. Why was this happening? Why couldn't this farce just stop?! Yes, Kurt was an expert witness and consequently used to being asked tough questions in court and lawyers trying to undercut his testimony. But this time was different – it was personal. Their first outing in court had already been humiliating – funnily judge Cuesta was present then, too. But here and today it felt like betrayal. Alica didn't only throw Kurt under the bus but basically also ruined her relationship with Diane – professionally and personally. Where they ever friends to begin with?

Why did she ask Kurt to check the bullets? Why after everything that happend a few days ago? Wasn't she usually smart about things? Kurt testified that he did it as a favor. The first time her husband is willing to look at her. „And you checked your findings with the prosecutor's ballistics expert, Holly Westfall?" Wait! What? Diane's heart dropped. Kurt consulted Holly about the bullets? Before he even talked to her, his wife? Why couldn't that woman just disappear for good? Why did he never mention her although he seemed to spend quite a lot of time with her?

„And isn't it true that you've given her your business?" Lucca continued her insulting interrogation. „I've sold her my business. That's true." When did that happen? Why did he not tell her? He said he loved her and would look for another buyer. He got humiliated in court, she begged for forgiveness. They made up. What did she miss here? Her eyes started to fill with tears. That line of questioning was going into a very strange direction. Why did they talk so much about Holly Westfall?

„Isn't it true, Mr. McVeigh, that you have had an affair with Holly Westfall? And isn't that the reason that you've changed your testimony?" Diane couldn't take it any longer. What the hell just happended? She was Lucca's boss. She was first lawyer on that case. Her word counted – in theory. She had made it more than clear that Kurt was not to be undercut in court. And now Lucca dared to ridicule her marriage in public? Portraying Diane a a stereotypical wife of a guy longing for a younger model. Diane felt naked. She didn't want to hear it anymore. She didn't want to sit at the defense table of this toxic man anymore. She didn't want to be confronted with her own failures.

Kurt didn't answer the question about a possible betrayal. But did he really have to? When judge Cuesta allowed that line of questioning and Lucca repeated that terrible accusation Diane rose from her chair. Out oft he corner of her eye she saw Kurt and Lucca staring at her. Actually everybody was staring at her. But Diane didn't care. She had to leave. That was more than even she could take. The new defense strategy was apparently to air her dirty laundry – dirty laundry Diane hadn't been aware of up to five minutes ago – in court, and maybe she had to rethink her image of Kurt and her marriage.


	4. Chapter 4

Diane went straight home – she didn't really care about the outcome of the Florrick trial anymore. She also didn't care about Alica and Lucca. She just wanted to be home and safe from any more humiliation. Lawrence, the doorman, let her into her apartment. „Is everything okay, Miss Lockhart?" he looked worried. „Yes, thank you, Lawrence. I just forgot my bag at work. Could you please pay the cab driver? Thank you." She handed him the money, said her goodbyes and shut the door. What a day!

Her dreams of an all-female firm »Lockhart, Florrick & associates« shattered. Her marriage to Kurt probably in tatters. One of Chicago's top litigators spent her working day watching second-rate theatre in court. Her authority undermined by an employee. Her marriage a public affair.

Diane felt dirty. For the second time within a few weeks her working clothes – pieces of exquisite and expensive fabrics gave her comfort, authoritiy, elegance and made her feel sexy – felt like they were about to suffocate her. She had to take them off. Walking through her apartment, Diane shedded piece by piece of her clothes. She was feeling restless and overwhelmed at the same time. What she desperately needed was a long hot lavender bath to calm her nerves and put everything into perspective.

She felt her body relaxing in the hot water, the lavender scent usually did the trick for her. But still her head was spinning. Was it really possible that Kurt would cheat on her? Actually, a thought like that would never cross her mind – and Lucca's ridiculous undercutting strategy certainly didn't convince her – but that Holly "more gravitas" Westfall woman got her thinking. Didn't she act like a scorned lover upon their first meeting. Even David Lee, the least emphatic person ever, was irritated by her and her constant attempts to annoy Diane. Why did Kurt insist on keeping his promise to her? How long had these two known each other and more importantly how well?

Diane had always been slightly disturbed by Kurt's friendships with younger women. But, then again, she never once doubted him, his commitment or his fidelity. Why would she? Sure, as he had once pointed out, they saw each other max. 98 days out of three years of marriage. Both of them seemed to be okay with that. The distance mad their relationship all the more passionate and intense. They were always good together, had been right from the beginning. She wanted to feel, touch and taste him as often as possible. They never had any trouble in that department. So, would Kurt really cheat on her? While Diane was lost in thought, the front door opened.


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt entered the apartment, their apartment for a few blissful yet turned somewhat sour weeks, not knowing what was awaiting him. Watching Diane during his testimony almost killed him – her surprise, her anger, her tears and her pain. And when she got up and left, all he wanted to do was call her name, run after her and take her into his arms. But he knew better – judge Cuesta wouldn't allow it and Diane wouldn't want it at that point.

No one entered or left a room like his wife. Her self-confidence, her style, her elegance and her composure had always impressed him. She was able to keep her calm even during the heaviest storm. But this time may have been just a little bit too much. Kurt had seen his wife in many different situations. He knew her moments of passion, anger, fun, doubt, sadness – but he had never seen her quite like that before. Lately, Diane had been very insecure, especially when it came to Holly.

It really surprised him that Diane would expect him to ever want to divorce her. Why on earth would he want to do that?! He was neither stupid nor a masochist. Diane Lockhart was the woman of his life – what a cliché but so very true. Selling his business was hard but spending most of his married life away from his wife was even harder. Selling to PGT after all was a result of his reputation being damaged in court – who would want to buy his business after that for the price Diane had calculated – and partially Kurt trying to get back at his wife. Yes, it was childish and stupid. But he could be very stubborn, especially when his pride was hurt. Diane had always put her job first and he admired that about her. This whole alpha-female thing turned him on immensely, plus he was the only one to be her alpha-male and to witness her weak moments.

And although that Florrick trial had somewhat clouded their otherwise happy marriage; it saddened him that the one time his wife tried to put him first and her job second had so terribly backfired on her. She really didn't deserve that! Being stabbed in the back and humiliated like that in court. What was Lucca Quinn thinking? How could and would she dare to ridicule one of Chicago's top litigators? And for what? To save that lying and illoyal Florrick asshole from prison – the only place that bastard belonged to?

The line of questioning took an absurd turn when Lucca Quinn suggested he had reason to change his testimony because he had an affair with Holly. Yes, he did check his findings with Holly but only because he really wanted to be sure this time. But going from that to an extramarital affair was a real low blow – considering that this argument came from his wife's defense table. Kurt really just wanted to talk to Diane and clear this Holly mess up – once and for all. But where would the two of them stand after that?


	6. Chapter 6

Diane was about to fall asleep in the bathtub when Kurt woke her. "Diane, hon, wake up." The water was only lukewarm. "Kurt, what are you doing here?" She sat up and covered her breasts – she had never done that around him before because he always made her feel like she was the most sexy woman he knew. But something was different today.

Kurt noticed Diane's discomfort and grabbed a towel. "Here, let me help you." Diane got up, turned her back to Kurt and let her hug him with the towel. "Thank you." She stepped out of the bathtub and for the first time in hours husband and wife were alone, facing each other and looking into each other's eyes.

"Diane, I am sorry." She wrapped the towel tighter around her body and put her bathrobe on top. "What do you mean? Kurt, did you really cheat on me with that blonde Republican?" Her voice was only a whisper now.

He looked at her as if she had slapped him hard in the face. He almost stumbled backwards. "What? No! Why would you even think that?" Diane felt like crying again. Seemed to be her new hobby. Everything did really seem bad suddenly. "Because I had a weird feeling about her right from the beginning. She was so very obnoxious during our first meeting, insisting on being your favorite – whatever that means – and poiting out how often the two of you would meet." Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Kurt reached out for her, softly stroking her arms. "And then you suddenly wanted to move in together." She continued, her voice breaking. "Diane, that had nothing to do with Holly. Nothing had every anthing to do with Holly – or with any other woman. I love you and only you."

He leaned in and let his lips brush hers and then he pulled her into his arms. "I love you" Diane whispered against the soft skin of his neck. He took her hand and they walked to the bed and sat down – Kurt on the left, Diane on the right side. "Diane, there's a reason Holly reacted the way she did. Had I known things would get that crazy and complicated, I would have never considered PGT's offer, let alone asked you to meet with her."

Diane started at her hands, her mind racing. "So …" She was trying to put the puzzle pieces together and find the right words. "You do know that woman in the biblical sense. How could you do that to me?" She was about to lose her temper once again. "I thought you were honest – I told my colleagues and friends over and over. Damn, I loved that so much about you!"

"Diane, will you wait?! I didn't cheat on you with Holly." Diane stared at his hands. "Technically, I cheated on Holly with you. We weren't ever really a couple, but had a fling a few years ago." Diane turned to face Kurt and looked at him with utter disbelief.

"But that night I met you lady friends at the bar I asked you if you ever had slept with any of them and you said 'no'. Is that the same 'no' you are giving me now about the potential affair with Holly?"

Kurt tried to take Diane's hand but she refused that tender gesture. "Diane. Please! I didn't want to tell you back then because you had all of a sudden serious doubts about marriage. I didn't want to lose you again. Those years when we would see each other only every now and then were pure torture for me. I loved you right from the beginning but was never really sure of your feelings for me. You seemed to desire me and have fun with me – but would that ever be enough for you?" He avoided her eyes, staring at her hands.

Diane looked and her husband with eyes full of love and tenderness. She took his left hand and kissed it softly. "Kurt. I am sorry."

"When you asked me to testify in the Sweeny case and we got close again and you eventually proposed marriage, I was kind of with Holly. Nothing too serious. I was basically trying to forget you. Yes, I know that sounds cheesy." He gave her an embarrassed smirk. "And there you were wanting to spend your life with me. When I said I wanted to talk and wait about marriage, it had nothing to do with a lack of feelings for you. But I wanted to clear things with Holly first. She seemed to take it well under the circumstances. And later I didn't tell you about it because I had simply forgotten." Diane gave Kurt one of her typical eye-roll.

"No, hon, I mean it. I love you. I desire you and only you." Diane smiled, leand over and kissed her man. "Kurt, I think we aren't in the best place right now." He tried to say something. "Please, let me finnish." She caressed his hair and put her head on his shoulder. "That awful Florrick trial broke a lot of glass, of course we will recover from this but maybe we need to get some distance."

"Diane, I am not going to live apart from you again. I simply can't."

Diane liftet her head and looked Kurt deep in the eyes. "Hon, that's not what I meant. Get some distance from the law, ballistics and Chicago."

"Okay, what are you proposing, Ms. Lockhart?"

"Well, last time, Mr. McVeigh, you and I went hunting in Wyoming, This time, we are going to spend 2 weeks at the Almafi coast in Italy."

"Sounds great. Plus, I can feed you pasta and pizza. You are getting skinnier by the minute." He winked at his wife.

Diane gave him a small blow on the shoulder. "Watch it, cowboy! You aren't off the hook yet. Not telling me about your past with that Holly woman is going to cost you big time." She couldn't surpress her laughter.

Kurt got pensive. "But, Diane, what about work? Will this whole fiasco with Alicia Florrick cost you your dream if an all-female firm? Is it wise to leave now?"

Diane was flabbergasted. "Okay, what just happened? You are retired. I am finally willing to go on a longer vacation with you and all you talk about is work? Which part of putting a distance between us and things was it that you didn't get?"

"Hon, we can leave right away if you want to. Can't wait to see you in a bikini or acutally even less than a bikini all day. They do sunbath topless in Europe, right?"

Diane laughed freely and relieved for the first times in weeks. God, she loved that man. "Okay, tomorrow I'll have Laura clear my schedule for the next two weeks and David Lee can deal with Alicia. And you can find us a nice hotel. But don't forget about a spa. I want strong Italian men to massage me at least once a day. I deserve that."

"I had different things in mind, Ms Lockhart. But I think I'll have to deal with it and deserve my share here, too." He kissed her softly on the lips. But as soon as their tongues melted, their clothes would find their way to the floor. Maybe it was best to end all the drama the way their love story had started – in bed, letting their bodies communicate.

Yes, Kurt would never cheat on her. She knew that for sure. And she still felt sexy as hell around him. His not telling her about Holly would cost him – but only a little. It was in the past and why would she even want to waste her energy on any negative thoughts. Diane Lockhart had more important things on her agenda: leading an all-female firm by day and loving her sexy cowboy by night and on the weekends.

THE END


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